For John* and Rebecca*, parenthood was always the goal. They worked with infertility experts for years because they believed so deeply that they were meant to be parents, and it took time to realize that adoption might be the right choice for them, as the adoption process can be challenging, both emotionally and financially. Eventually, as they learned more about what adoption can look like, they began exploring their options and chose another adoption agency to help them match with their first child. “During the application process, that was the most stress I felt…just because you have documents and requirements you have to fulfill, but you’re on your own timeline. There’s not a deadline, but the sooner you get them done, the sooner you can get matched with a birth parent. …I remember when we finished all the paperwork, and [were notified] that we would be shown to birth parents as an option, I just sat back and said, ‘okay, I’ve done everything I can right now for the sake of my child’ and the waiting began.”
All said, their application process took 6 months, and then there was nothing to do but wait to be matched with their child. The waiting was hard, and there were days that were more discouraging than others. Rebecca shared that after weeks of wondering if every incoming phone call or text tone was their match, she changed the ringtones for her friends and family so she would know for sure when she was receiving a call that might be their match, simply to help her manage her anxiety during the waiting period. On a particularly challenging day, Rebecca was discouraged by the wait and wondering if their child would ever arrive, but John said something that would stay with her throughout their adoption journey in the years following: “Every day that goes by, we’re more likely to get picked than we were the day before.”
The care that they received during this waiting period made an undeniable difference, especially when their first match ended up failing, which was heartbreaking for everyone involved. “For our first child, Laronda was with [another agency] and was our social worker, and she was absolutely amazing. When we had the failed match, she called me personally and I was just in tears, but she talked me through it and to this day I remember that conversation and how she encouraged us to remain hopeful and wait for our child.” Just a few weeks later, they got the call: another birth mother had chosen them.
With two months left in her pregnancy, there were many unknowns, but they went into the match with open hearts and open minds. Two months later, they were flying across the country to be at the hospital to meet their son as soon as he arrived. Laronda joined them at the hospital, returning several times as they waited to take their son home to make sure they had what they needed, and bringing newborn clothes to make sure they and their new child could make it home comfortably. “I just remember that Laronda was the biggest joy, and I felt that my future child was safe in her hands because she took such good care of us.”
With their first son in their lives, John and Rebecca knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they wanted another child. Their community had celebrated their newest family member with an overwhelming wave of support, bringing meals, diapers, wipes, and everything in between to help them get settled. Hoping to see another match quickly, they got ready for their second adoption and completed another lengthy application process.
But this time, three years passed, and they were left wondering about any progress towards a match and realizing their dream of parenthood. Despite their concern, they had very few options to pursue adoption through another organization, simply because of the up-front expenses that adoption agencies usually charge before a family can be advertised. That’s when Courageous Hearts came into the picture. They reconnected with Laronda, who knew their story and offered to share their family profile through her new role as Adoption Coordinator at Courageous Hearts. “We knew that Courageous Hearts was the right choice for us… Because right off the bat, we could see that they were advertising us as an option for birth parents, they were fighting for us, they were doing everything they could to help us grow our family, and we didn’t wait that long before there was a match for us. …To go from the three years of nothing to just Laronda, and all that she does and says was amazing. Throughout all the fears and doubts and insecurities, she was always THERE. She has this way of being fast, kind, efficient – everything that’s most needed in the adoption world. Now, I’m holding and cuddling my second baby, that at one point we thought was never going to come, and it’s just perfect.”
Their community stepped up again as they received the match with their second child. Born prematurely, their child spent several weeks in the NICU, and Rebecca had to travel to the hospital several days ahead of John. Their immediate families, and their church family made a huge effort to support them during this unpredicted chapter, taking care of their first child during preparation for the trip, and caring for their home and pets while Rebecca, John, and their first child were spending time with the newest member of their family. When they returned home with their second baby, the care and support continued. “Every day, it was a meal here, a gift there, and the amount of baby clothes we received… We have enough for 5 more kids, probably!”
John and Rebecca cared most about the health of their children, and as they were preparing for the unique journey of adoptive parenthood, they felt that open adoption, to the extent that the birth parents would support it, would be the best option for their future children. That has looked different in both their adoptions – in one case, they connected with their baby’s extended birth family, and in the second, Rebecca was able to meet the birth mom after the hospital stay. As they’re separated by a significant distance, they haven’t recently connected in person with the birth parents, but they’re still making every effort to include their children’s birth moms in updates as they grow. “Every three months, I send pictures and videos, and a little description of how both children are to both birth moms through the agency.”
All in all, and despite the challenges, having children has surpassed John & Rebecca’ wildest expectations. “[It’s been] amazing, and also a learning experience! Every time I think I have it sorted, they change and grow, and I have to learn and change and grow with them.”
One of the moments that stands out recently was when their older child’s teacher told them that their child had been a wonderful friend to all their classmates, but especially to a little boy who was special needs. Their child always made sure this boy was included in activities, and was extra careful about being kind to him, and encouraging other classmates to be kind, too. “We have two really great children, and I love every day of [being their parent]. I’m so glad we chose to keep going, that we chose to not give up after infertility treatments. …There were thoughts of stopping after the first couple of years of waiting for our second child too; the process was just dragging on, and it didn’t feel like it was going anywhere – but we’re very glad we didn’t [stop]. Our second child was the missing piece this whole time. Having them is everything – we wonder how we ever had a life without both of our children.”
When they thought about what they’d want to share with other families that are going through similar adoption journeys, Rebecca wanted to validate those experiences, first and foremost: “It is scary – meeting the birth family is scary, leaving home to meet your baby for the first time is scary, and it is an intimidating journey to go through. But after, when you get through it, and you’re holding your child, it is all worth it. So keep on pressing on, and trust the fact that you want to be a parent for a reason. There were times that we thought we can’t do this, and of giving up, but we would have been missing out on so much if we had.”
John and Rebecca made the courageous choice of adoption as their journey into parenthood, and it’s clear from the way they tell the story that this was undeniably the right choice for them. Their children have a safe, loving home to grow up in – and they’re building the family they were always meant to have.
*All names changed to protect family privacy.
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Like John and Rebecca, many hopeful families face emotional and financial obstacles on their path to parenthood. We are committed to walking alongside both birth parents and adoptive families with compassion and unwavering support. Adoption is not just a transaction; it’s a lifelong decision rooted in love and care. We empower birth moms to remain in control of their plans, providing them with ongoing support and counseling.
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