A story of patience, trust, and the courage to remain open through uncertainty
When Allen and Claire first began their journey to parenthood, they brought with them something invaluable: perspective. As foster parents for four years, they had already learned one of adoption’s most crucial lessons—that love often requires letting go of control and trusting the process, even when it feels impossibly difficult.
“We both grew up with adoption, kind of making our families,” Claire explains. “My sister was adopted before I was born to my parents… And then Allen has [extended family] who is adopted. So when [we were] struggling to have a baby…it felt right to move into adoption. It just felt like that was where we were supposed to be.”
Their path to their now 5-month-old daughter wasn’t straightforward. After experiencing a dissolved adoption with attorneys in Florida, they found themselves working with a consultant who ultimately connected them with Courageous Hearts Adoptions—an agency they hadn’t known existed but would prove to be exactly what they needed.
Learning to Navigate Uncertainty
Foster care had taught Allen and Claire to expect the unexpected, but private adoption presented its own unique challenges. When they received that first call about a potential match, uncertainty dominated their emotions.
“We didn’t know we had been picked [when we first spoke with the birth mom]. We thought [the birth mom] was still deciding between two families,” Claire recalls. “And so it was a good call, and then it was like, okay, this is happening. And we’re like, hold on a second. Is this real?”
Having experienced one disrupted match already, fear crept in alongside hope. “I think we had a lot of fear, having an adoption prior not work out. And we had a lot of fear of just wanting to make sure that it was the right thing for everyone involved,” Claire shares. “So we wanted to make sure that I’s birth mom… was getting all the care she needs. This is her choice. She changes her mind, it’s her choice.”
What surprised them was how quickly their fears were addressed. “I think what was surprising was that at the very beginning, I had all these questions from… fear. And Laronda spelled out that [her team] are here to take care of birth mothers, and here to… take care of everyone in the situation.”
The Reality of Birth Parent Support
Allen’s background in finance made some aspects of the adoption process particularly challenging. The unpredictable nature of supporting someone in crisis didn’t align with his need for structure and control.
“With my job, it’s finance based…and for me, it was honestly a struggle knowing the cost of this and having absolutely no control of what’s going on,” Allen explains. “That stuff will make you crazy. [We had to learn] to just accept it until it happens.”
But the couple’s foster care experience had prepared them for exactly this kind of uncertainty. They understood that birth mothers often face complex challenges that can’t be solved with traditional approaches.
When the time came to meet I’s birth mother, Allen and Claire approached it with the same openness they’d learned through foster care. Their lunch together became a pivotal moment in understanding what shared parenting could look like. “Laronda and Tracy set expectations very well in terms of there’s a really good chance they may be very late. And so we kind of had a very good idea. We were[in the birth mom’s state] for the whole weekend, and we just played it by ear, essentially,” Allen recalls.
The meeting also brought surprises—like discovering they were having a daughter, not the son they’d expected. “We’re talking with mom, and she says, ‘have you thought of any names for her?’ And [I said], ‘Well, have you thought of any names?’ Because we weren’t really sure. And mom had thought she knew the sex, but it was confirmed differently…You just can’t predict it.”
Claire reflects on how their foster care background shaped their approach to this relationship: “We worked as foster parents. Shared parenting is so important. So we did that awkward meetup, awkward pass off, awkward conversation. We don’t really know each other, but we’re getting to know each other, and it’s extremely important. And also, we’re just people. Let’s eat lunch.”
The birth experience tested everything Allen and Claire had learned about releasing control. Despite careful planning, nothing went according to schedule. Allen credits Courageous Hearts’ experience with helping them navigate these moments: “I think that was one of the best benefits to having Laronda… just hearing their experience because they lived through the same thing, gave us a lot of peace that this is just part of the process and you have no control over it.”
Defining Openness on Their Own Terms
Allen and Claire’s approach to open adoption reflects their deep understanding of complex family dynamics. Having maintained relationships with their former foster daughter’s birth family two years after reunification, they brought a unique perspective to openness.
This experience gave them confidence in their commitment: “So when we said we were open, we mean[t] it…whatever’s comfortable for [the birth mom] and then what’s best, safe, and wise for I… we really are open.”
Their plan for discussing adoption with I reflects this same authenticity: “For us it’s very normal that someone could have two moms or someone could have two dads… I think just as early as she’s able to understand that we’re talking about her other mom… and just like daily, whenever it comes up. So it’s not a sit down and share, ‘this is how you came to be,’ but it’s a part of normal everyday life.”
The Courage to Trust
Looking back on their journey, Allen and Claire offer hard-won wisdom for other prospective adoptive parents. Their advice centers on the fundamental need to release control while maintaining compassion for all parties involved.
“You have to go into it knowing that you have no control over anything that happens,” Allen states simply. For him, accepting this reality was essential. Claire adds her perspective on maintaining empathy: “You’ve been wanting a child for so long, and you’re putting all your eggs in the basket… but just remember, too, there’s another person on the other side of this who is in the most vulnerable situation in their entire life, probably[,] who would not be in this position if it weren’t so many different factors that are [most] likely not good. And just realizing that it’s not just about adoptive parents and about making a family, but it’s about expanding family.”
Their trust in Courageous Hearts proved foundational to their success. “You can trust Courageous Hearts. Just trust the system and what’s meant to be will be… it’ll work out,” Claire concludes.
Living the Present Moment
Today, with five-month-old I thriving in their home, Allen and Claire continue to practice the patience and presence that carried them through the adoption process. Their foster care background, with its emphasis on temporary care and uncertain outcomes, initially made it difficult to fully embrace permanency.
“That’s just kind of fresh in the back of your mind. Like, is this real?” Allen admits, referring to their experience with their former foster daughter. “So we’re still… planning for the future, [since now] we know that we can.”
Their dreams for their daughter reflect the same openness that characterized their adoption journey: “We just want her to be able to be whoever she’s supposed to be. So whatever she finds and she loves, we’re 100% in… if she’s eventually into some type of anime and we have no idea what that is, we’re doing it… I think I’m most excited to find out what she’s about and like what she likes and loves and just have this new little person we get to learn more about life from.”
Allen and Claire’s story illustrates the profound truth that adoption requires courage from everyone involved—birth parents, adoptive parents, and the professionals who support them. Their journey reminds us that sometimes the most beautiful families are formed not despite uncertainty, but because people are willing to remain open and trust each other through it.
